Resetting life after a change
Figuring out where to land
I’ve never been ‘good’ at change. A new house, a change at work, a change in friendships, even the start of a holiday and the change of pace. The last 3-5 years in particular have held so much change for me that it’s been quite the roller coaster to ride. I’m hoping all this practice means that I have adapted and will be better equipped to handle change in future but that remains to be seen!
This blog follows on from last time and is a sort of ‘what happened next’, although that path is still unwinding. At the moment I am very much enjoying my new job, the work, and the reliable rhythm that it offers me. The work is satisfying and fulfilling, and doesn’t leave me drained or waking up at 3am in a panic about it. Exactly what I needed.
But stopping my business and nutrition career has left rather a hole in my life. Before now, for the last 6-7 years, I have been either studying for my nutrition diploma or running my business part-time alongside a full-time job. My spare time and brain space was filled with podcasts and courses on marketing, and reading all the personal development books to help me reach business success. So after making the decision to stop the business and my clinic, I no longer need to do those things. I have space I don’t know how to fill. What do I even enjoy anymore? I needed a reset.
At first, in traditional style for me, I panicked about this space. It felt reminiscent of when I finished my undergrad degree at age 22 and started working - what was I working for now if not exams? What was this all for? (You’ll notice that I am all for the philosophical questions of life, often to my detriment!). I find these junctures of life can make us stop and reassess. You stop running up the hill and wonder ‘hang on, where am I even going here?’.
I think the pandemic also contributed to this questioning of life choices for us all. For 2 years we didn’t have much of a choice and so our habits were forced to change. We didn’t fill every weekend with meet-ups and travelling around the country, exercise became walking around the block, and hobbies moved online. A lot of us are feeling the need for a reset after this period of enforced change, and it’s taking time to re-establish ourselves in the post-pandemic world. Maybe we won’t even go back to some of how we spent our time ‘Before Pandemic’.
Pondering all of this, my therapist recently asked me what I enjoy doing and I drew a blank - I don’t actually know. In my 20s I would have said sport and friends were my top priorities and time fillers. In my early 30s, my nutrition training replaced much of that. Now, late 30s, I wondered if I could reclaim who I used to be before. Am I still sporty like I was in my 20s? Hmm, not so much - I used to run to work, for crying out loud! Nope, not her anymore. I also don’t have the same close-knit friendship groups as I did in my 20s. A combination of natural drifting and being at different points of life circumstances mean that my social circles have changed.
But the mistake I was making was trying to recreate a time that has passed, as if I could erase the last 6 years, and just pick up from where I left off ‘Before The Business’. But I can’t be the me of 2014, and I’m not sure I truly want to be anyway. The me of 2022 has been through a lot since 2014 (a pandemic, 2 career changes in a year, and difficult fertility struggles alongside it all). It has all changed me.
The other perspective I am trying to bring to all of this is that life is made up of chapters. I can’t remember where I heard this now but I liked it as an analogy. The reason I don’t like change is that I don’t like starting a new chapter of life. I want to cling on to the old. I was comfortable there. I want to rewind to Before The Business or Before Pandemic.
That’s where the idea of a reset comes in. If I reframe my perspective, I can see it as an opportunity. A chance to choose again and curate the life that I want to lead right now in 2022. Some things are out of my control, a fact I am constantly working to accept that is simply part of being a human. But the magic of being a human is being able to hit the reset button.
In case you’re wondering, I am still figuring out what this new life looks like - I’m exploring who I am and how I want to spend my time. New things to me at the moment are a gym membership (not going that well…!), Pilates, swimming, a short knitting course in November, a new book group, and a part of me wants to try Rock Choir (although my husband tells me I can’t sing! Rude). But what’s important to remember is that none of this defines me. It ultimately doesn’t really matter how I fill the space left from my business. We are free to reset again and again, to move with life’s path, and trust that each chapter has its place and value - before, after, and in the midst of any change life throws our way. I’ll keep you posted on where I land.