I didn't expect... to not like self-employment

Why I went from a 9-5 to running my own business - and back again

Photo by Caleb Jones on Unsplash

In 2021 I decided to leave the world of salaried employment. The thing is - it didn’t work out quite as I had planned. Life never does. That isn’t always a bad thing and for me, it was a learning curve I needed to go on. For those curious-minded amongst you who’ve been with me for a while, here is what’s been going on…

2nd September 2021 was my last day working at a publishing company where I’d spent the last 13 years of my working life. It was a place and career I really did enjoy and feel a particular attachment to. But I’d had a nagging feeling of wanting to do something ‘other’. To explore options that used my passions outside of work and a job that gave me more freedom. I’d fallen into publishing as a career by chance after university and always wondered if I was meant to do something else. 

I prepped A LOT to run my business. I spent from 2017, when I graduated from my 3-year diploma in nutritional therapy, until 2021 learning about marketing, sales, social media, budgeting, networking, and more. There was a lot to learn and they don’t prepare you for it at college. I spent hours and considerable amounts of money on courses and books to learn the tools needed to launch and run a business, and to make money from doing it. So by the time September 2021 rolled around, I was ready. 2020 and 2021 were pretty crap years, and I had had some personal traumas during that time as well, so I wanted a change. Something to shake life up. I quit my job and starting working for myself. 

Everyone was so happy and excited for me, as was I. This is what I had dreamed of, had been working towards for 6 years. Finally, I was doing the job I had worked so hard for. And at first, it was exciting. I had a small pool of clients already so the clinic side of things was in flow. I enjoyed having more time to write client plans and research my advice for them. I thrived in communities with my fellow nutrition practitioners, able to celebrate the difference we were making to other people’s lives.

But… 

Running a business and being self-employed is HARD. I was under no illusion that it wouldn’t be, I had done so much prep after all. I wasn’t going in blind straight from college like some of my peers did. But the festering issue was that I wasn’t enjoying it. 

There is a culture today that having a side-hustle is THE thing to do and then to make the move to turn that into your job. That going self-employed and ditching the shackles of working for someone else is the pinnacle of achievement in our working life. All the business coaches on Instagram with their persuasive marketing that we can make £5k a month make it look so easy. It’s the complete opposite! 

At first I pushed this feeling down, I was only a few months in. It was bound to take time to build the business up and to get used to this way of working. Ironically, though, for someone who decided to specialise in supporting women with burnout and chronic stress, I was starting to feel MORE stressed than ever before. I recognised the creeping feeling of burnout and did not want to go back there again. 

Don’t get me wrong, there were some aspects of running my business that I really did enjoy. I loved writing my blogs and my newsletters, especially the most reflective ones rather than those with just nutrition advice. I loved connecting with others on the themes I cared about. I also liked the networking and meeting some hugely inspiring business owners (anyone I met who runs their own business is hardcore and I take my hat off to you!).

But overall I started to crave the simplicity of the 9-5, of not working ALL THE HOURS, of not always thinking about what to post on social media, and of how to get more clients. I was also aware of how long I was thinking about clients’ plans for and how much I’d wake up worrying I’d done something wrong or given some harmful advice. I trained for 3 intense years, am accredited with the leading UK professional body in the field, have weekly access to a supervisor, but still I worried. It’s hard to leave your work at the laptop when you work for yourself. The lines blur. 

Around March this year, I finally admitted to myself, and my husband, that I wasn’t enjoying my new life. I have heard many times that running your own business must give you the life you’re looking for, otherwise what’s it all for? Even after all the training I’d done to get here, it wasn’t the life I wanted. I was embarrassed and felt like I’d made a huge mistake. How do I tell everyone that actually I don’t want to do this? That I’d spent 6 years working towards something I didn’t even want to do for more than a year?

Luckily, I have done a tonne of personal development work over the last few years (you can’t run a business without it!) and took myself off to an impartial life coach for some help before making a decision about what to do. I realised that I only need to satisfy myself. I don’t need to keep running this business if it’s not serving ME. The whole point of doing this in the first place was to make a life that was authentic and fulfilling to me. Yes I want to help others and spread the word about the power of nutrition, but I have to do it in a way that aligns and works for me. 

I started applying for full-time jobs back in publishing in April, to see what happened, and was offered a position in July. I accepted and started in August, and I don’t regret it at all. It feels like the right move.

I do think there is a ‘hustle’ culture out there that suggests we start a business and make our passion our work. For some, this is amazing. For others (me), it didn’t create the life I wanted, the opposite in fact. I’ve realised that there is nothing wrong with the 9-5 if it gives you the life that you crave.