[Life lines] My way of maintaining digital sanity
How I try to keep tech at arm’s length (even though I work in digital publishing!)
Hi, I’m Louise and I write stories from a life unexpected: a failed business, burnout, anxiety, infertility, and everything in between. Sharing can lift the shame so thank you so much for being here. Do subscribe to read more!
My husband sighs: ‘oh please, not this subject again’. I’m up on my soapbox, having a moment. I’d say I do this once a quarter. Ok, maybe once a month… I know when it’s happened because my husband will roll his eyes or glass over looking bored to tears. Or shedding actual tears willing me to stop.
I’ll be making social commentary about the online and hyperconnected age we currently live in. It usually culminates with me stating how lucky we were to live in the glory days of the 80s and 90s without any of that and how I am SO glad not to be a teenager today. I can hear him getting exasperated now.
Which is all very ironic, because in my day job I am currently a product manager for various online platforms that serve up academic content to researchers and students. So you’d think I’d be all for the digital life and push for more of it in my own.
The opposite is true.
Like many of us do, I have a love-hate relationship with the online world. It is both amazing and frustrating at the same time. I love my day job and so am grateful for the opportunities that the digital education world has offered me. I also wouldn’t want to be without the chance to meet people in the virtual space. I’ve met some wonderful women in online support groups who’ve got me through recent hard times and whose friendships have moved into the offline space too. I also love discovering and connecting with like-minded folk on Substack, who share my passions and help me to recognise them and bring more of them into my life.
But I do still I feel an unease around certain aspects of our online life and I know I won’t be alone in this. It is increasingly hard to maintain grounded in the real world, even with the best of intentions and willpower. I read a stat that said, on average, we are spending 6.5 hours a day online, with this being higher the younger we are.1
To this end, I thought I’d share some strategies that I currently employ. None of these are ground-breaking, but I’m sure my husband would prefer me to spout this stuff here than over the table at dinner for the 100th time!
The biggie - no social media
Well, almost none. I don’t have any apps for social media on my phone, but I do have Facebook on my laptop for my choir group. I unfollowed all my ‘friends’ so my news feed is only ever three items long max from one group. I can be in and out in five minutes and only once or twice a week when I happen to be on my laptop.
I sometimes have Instagram on my iPad, but never my phone, it’s way too addictive for me. The iPad experience of Insta is a bit rubbish, but that’s a good thing in this case! It makes me want to log off. Currently it’s uninstalled from my device as an extended break.
I’ve never done Twitter/X, TikTok (too old!), or Snapchat (is that still a thing?). LinkedIn is handy for career and jobs so I do keep my login for that, but it’s only accessible on my work laptop so I’m not tempted onto it in my downtime. Substack is admittedly some way to social media, but I don’t use Notes so it’s more of a reading platform for me.
Silence is golden
When I was at my mother-in-law’s recently, the iPads and phones of those living in the house were constantly pinging. Every time I heard one of the shrill pings I winced. It was so distracting and they weren’t even my devices. Personally, I almost always have my phone on silent mode. I know, I know, super annoying if you’re trying to call me! But I prefer to have the sense of the upper hand with my phone rather than it demanding my attention at any moment.
Similarly, I don’t have notifications for most apps. The only ones I do are for reminders, text messages (and who texts these days anyway so it’s usually about a delivery, which I do want to know about), and phone calls/ voicemail alerts. Everything else is silenced.
I treat WhatsApp like email and only see notifications when I consciously choose to go into the app. Seeing a barrage of notifications on my phone home screen would stress me out and I am not the sort of person who can see a message and ignore it, so it’s better if I just don’t see it until I have time to reply. Muting groups and archiving people is also very helpful to keep the noise down on WhatsApp.
Start and end the day analogue
I make use of whatever tools Apple gives us to maintain boundaries. I use the downtime tool for my apps between 8am and 8pm and I set to night mode for the screen colour after 7pm. But that’s not enough, as I will still press ignore to give me more screen time!
So I put my phone on airplane mode from bedtime until at least 8am. No sneaky notifications can get to me then until I choose to. I do still use my phone as my alarm, but because it’s on airplane mode there is nothing else on my screen when it goes off first thing.
I try to not use my phone after 8pm but it’s very hard not to and I’m a bit crap at this one. I also like to do a meditation or yoga video at bedtime which involves my iPad. I’m really trying to wean off these videos and ‘go it alone’, but so far no joy. (In fact, this endeavour warrants a whole post of its own).
Say no to the news!
I don’t watch the news and I definitely don’t have any news apps on my devices. This one is huge for me, but might make me sound very uneducated and possibly ignorant about the world. As someone with anxiety (including health anxiety and OCD), the last thing I want is news stories appearing on my phone at whim to tell me about something awful that has happened. I often take these stories to heart and start worrying about if x, y or z happened to me. As an empath and highly sensitive person, this is no good for me!
It’s also information overload and I don’t think we were meant to know about every disaster in every country at every hour of the day. I do get the headlines on the radio so I tend to know about anything big and important going on. I admit that it is good to have an awareness of the world that we live in, but it’s also beneficial that I maintain stable mental health.
Shun podcasts
There are SO MANY podcasts out there now, it’s overwhelming. I gave up wellness podcasts a year or so ago when I realised they were making me feel worse rather than better about my wellbeing. I was acquiring too many tools.
But then I gave up podcasts altogether when I realised they were becoming an item on my already too long to-do list. I’d deflate when I saw new episodes appear in my podcast app and always felt like I was chasing my tail. So I cut them out.
I now use radio and audio books when I want a soundtrack to whatever I am doing. I feel like the pace of these is much more leisurely and there is no pressure to ‘keep up’. I don’t use Audible as that makes me feel like I have to read one book a month to make the most of my credit. (I use a non-subscription audio book app, called xigxag).
Keep analogue where possible
I’m not so good at this as I do use my phone alarm and a digital diary, but I try to avoid anything unnecessary, like tracking apps and smartwatches. There is something about the idea of having your phone on your wrist at all times that makes me want to run away to the forest!
Smart speakers are another one - I already get that weird thing where something I mentioned to my husband yesterday then appears as an ad on YouTube or a browser window, I don’t need any more ways of Big Tech (or whoever!) listening in.
I mostly read physical books but do have a Kindle for travel and holidays as it is just more practical. I keep it on airplane mode though so I’m not tempted down the rabbit hole of the Kindle store.
I’m not always consistent, I deviate, and there is likely more I can do. Such is the power of the digital age. And clearly there are benefits - connection, meeting kindred spirits, blogging, being just some of those that I enjoy. Not to mention giving me my day job.
But using these strategies means I can (mostly) keep some kind of balance between the online world and ‘real life’.
Steps off soap box and husband breathes a sigh of relief for another month
But what about you? How do you feel about our online/digital life at the moment? Anything that you do that I don’t but could?
https://www.forbes.com/home-improvement/internet/internet-statistics/
You’re very like me! I do have LinkedIn on my phone as I’m trying to change job but I’ve realised I don’t think it’s helping me, so I’m going to delete that today.
I have a Kindle to save my marriage, I read to help with my insomnia and rather than have the light on which wakes my husband I have the Kindle. I don’t know how to use the store and refuse to learn 😆 It’s also easier for me to get English books as I live in Spain. However, I do love a physical book, seeing the physical progress and the smell 💕
I have two smart speakers and I find they help reduce my screen time! I use it for an alarm, timers, music or podcasts. It means I don’t have to pick up my phone and get distracted by notifications.
Phone sleeps downstairs without me and it’s often 11 am before I even look at it these days.
I have Facebook and Instagram but only on my laptop and I have unfollowed people on Facebook too! I also do regular friend culls.
I don’t watch or listen to the news at all. If I hear about something I’ll research myself in a way I feel comfortable. I listen to podcasts that cover main events but sandwiched with comedy, I find it much less triggering.
I love podcasts but also noticed I’m a completist. So I’ve now learned that if I’m not that interested in an episode I mark it as I’ve listened to it, that little green tick ✅ is enough to satisfy me.
I read recently Digital Minimalism: Chosing a Focused Life in a Noisy World. It’s nice to be connecting with people or reading about people who are doing the same as me! It feels rebellious in a world where we’re expected to be contactable 24 hours a day 7 days a week. 💕
Great post - I resonate with the soapbox being an 80s kid! Life was simpler and I think better then for kids. I think the FB top of unfollowing friends is good I will start there I think. Thanks for writing this, I just subscribed.